We have often been asked why did we choose to adopt from China? Why not some other country or why not from the U.S?
This is a 2 post answer so in this post we'll address why we did not choose to adopt domestically and we'll discuss why we choose China over other countries in a future post.
From an adoptive parents perspective there are a few reasons we did not consider domestic adoption. One is cost. As much as an international adoption costs, domestic adoption costs significantly more. This is because in the U.S. we have these people called lawyers and the legal fees (and other costs such as the birth mom's medical expenses) for domestic adoption are quite considerable. The other reason we did not consider domestic adoption is because the adoption laws in the U.S. favor birth parents. This means that a child could be placed with us and live with us for awhile and then if the birth mother changes her mind, she could legally take the child back. As much as we can understand (but not agree with) the need for this type of law, we cannot fathom the possibility of getting a child only to have her taken away from us a short time later. It would be emotionally devasting to us. In addition, it would be a financial hardship for us because in such cases the adoptive parents do not get their money back.
Now for the update.
As of 12/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/31/2006
Current wait: 44 months
Projected referral date: 1/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Remember, these are simple projections based on extrapolating the current wait forward. Check out the Rumor Queen (link at top) for more thorough projections
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
What's in an identity?
We recently published an article in the boys preschool (Bet Yeladim's) monthly newsletter about providing a Jewish identity to our children. As the article points out, Baby China Girl will have three identities: Jewish, American, and Chinese but which one is the most important? The article speaks for itself so enjoy! The monthly update follows the article.
Providing our Children with a Jewish Identity
by Beth & Howard Krakower
Our family is expanding! We are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. Since it’s going to be a few years before we will be matched with a child and can bring her home we have time to plan and do some thinking. One issue we have given considerable thought to is how to instill an identity on our future daughter. She’s going to be a Jewish American of Chinese birth, a fairly unique set of identities but which one should be emphasized the most? The answer to us is simple and no different than the answer for our two biological boys, and that is being Jewish first. Of course, as she grows up and becomes an adult she will choose how she wants to be identified but as her parents it is our duty to provide the foundation. We plan on providing her with a strong Jewish identity in the same way we are with our boys. That is through exposure to Jewish culture, a Jewish education, and an appreciation for Israel.
Our children are primarily exposed to Jewish culture by celebrating the Jewish Holidays. Celebrating the holidays for us includes attending services during the high holidays and occasionally on Shabbat and spending time with family. While not all Jews might attend services we feel it is important to expose our children to the more religious aspects of the holidays. Spending time with family usually means taking time out of our busy lives to visit with relatives and eating a lot of good Jewish food. These family gatherings can vary in size from a small handful to dozens depending on which side of the family we are visiting for that particular holiday. It usually involves feasting on such yummy foods as matzo ball soup, gefilte fish, hamentashen, among others. These festive meals are embedded in Jewish culture whether or not one attends services.
Our children are also exposed to Jewish culture through a solid Jewish education which helps to further build their Jewish identity. This education started with sending them to Bet Yeladim. By providing a solid Jewish education at a preschool level Bet Yeladim will give our children the knowledge and appreciation of the Jewish holidays, customs, and traditions that they need to identify themselves as being Jewish. Once they leave Bet Yeladim (will be a sad day in our house) their Jewish education will continue with Hebrew School at our synagogue and culminate with their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs when they turn 13. After that it will be up to them to decide how they are going to continue their Jewish education. Hopefully, we will have helped them establish a strong enough Jewish identity that they will want to continue their Jewish studies after their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.
We’d like to conclude with a question that was asked of one of us in an 8th grade social studies class. The question posed was “Are you a Jewish American or an American of the Jewish Descent?” It wasn’t the question so much its context that aroused interest as the teacher asked other students similar questions but substituting ethnic backgrounds (i.e. Italian, Chinese, Irish etc) in the question posed to them. Originally, some of us Jewish students were offended that the teacher was grouping being “Jewish” a religion, in with various ethnic non-religious backgrounds. Now as an adult looking back on that discussion, we realize that being “Jewish” is more than just a religious background, it is our identity.
Now for the update.
As of 11/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/28/2006
Current wait: 44 months
Projected referral date: 12/13/2012
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Remember, these are simple projections based on extrapolating the current wait forward. Check out the Rumor Queen (link at top) for more thorough projections
Providing our Children with a Jewish Identity
by Beth & Howard Krakower
Our family is expanding! We are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. Since it’s going to be a few years before we will be matched with a child and can bring her home we have time to plan and do some thinking. One issue we have given considerable thought to is how to instill an identity on our future daughter. She’s going to be a Jewish American of Chinese birth, a fairly unique set of identities but which one should be emphasized the most? The answer to us is simple and no different than the answer for our two biological boys, and that is being Jewish first. Of course, as she grows up and becomes an adult she will choose how she wants to be identified but as her parents it is our duty to provide the foundation. We plan on providing her with a strong Jewish identity in the same way we are with our boys. That is through exposure to Jewish culture, a Jewish education, and an appreciation for Israel.
Our children are primarily exposed to Jewish culture by celebrating the Jewish Holidays. Celebrating the holidays for us includes attending services during the high holidays and occasionally on Shabbat and spending time with family. While not all Jews might attend services we feel it is important to expose our children to the more religious aspects of the holidays. Spending time with family usually means taking time out of our busy lives to visit with relatives and eating a lot of good Jewish food. These family gatherings can vary in size from a small handful to dozens depending on which side of the family we are visiting for that particular holiday. It usually involves feasting on such yummy foods as matzo ball soup, gefilte fish, hamentashen, among others. These festive meals are embedded in Jewish culture whether or not one attends services.
Our children are also exposed to Jewish culture through a solid Jewish education which helps to further build their Jewish identity. This education started with sending them to Bet Yeladim. By providing a solid Jewish education at a preschool level Bet Yeladim will give our children the knowledge and appreciation of the Jewish holidays, customs, and traditions that they need to identify themselves as being Jewish. Once they leave Bet Yeladim (will be a sad day in our house) their Jewish education will continue with Hebrew School at our synagogue and culminate with their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs when they turn 13. After that it will be up to them to decide how they are going to continue their Jewish education. Hopefully, we will have helped them establish a strong enough Jewish identity that they will want to continue their Jewish studies after their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.
We’d like to conclude with a question that was asked of one of us in an 8th grade social studies class. The question posed was “Are you a Jewish American or an American of the Jewish Descent?” It wasn’t the question so much its context that aroused interest as the teacher asked other students similar questions but substituting ethnic backgrounds (i.e. Italian, Chinese, Irish etc) in the question posed to them. Originally, some of us Jewish students were offended that the teacher was grouping being “Jewish” a religion, in with various ethnic non-religious backgrounds. Now as an adult looking back on that discussion, we realize that being “Jewish” is more than just a religious background, it is our identity.
Now for the update.
As of 11/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/28/2006
Current wait: 44 months
Projected referral date: 12/13/2012
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Remember, these are simple projections based on extrapolating the current wait forward. Check out the Rumor Queen (link at top) for more thorough projections
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Our Adoption Journey Post #1: Why adoption?
As promised we're going to have a few posts on our adoption journey. We'll take you through why we decided upon adoption, why we chose China, why we chose our agency as well as our trek through the process itself. For this first post, we'll answer the basic question of why expand our family through adoption?
Every since childhood Beth has wanted to adopt a child. She has always believed that it is something that G-d has wanted her to do. For Howard, adoption was never something he had given serious thought to until he met Beth. As our relationship developed and we moved closer to marriage the topic of children was discussed. We both agreed that we wanted more than one child but no more than three. We also agreed that it would be nice to have at least one boy and one girl although Beth really really wanted a girl. The next item to be discussed was how we were going to bring these children into our lives and this is where the topic of adoption came up.
After much discussion we decided to first have biological children and then look into adoption. In 2005 we had our first child, Benjamin. It was a difficult and high risk pregnancy. Beth was sick for 7 months to the point that she was put on anti-nausea medication. At 36+ weeks, Beth developed HELLP syndrome and since her life was at risk they did an emergency induction and Benjamin was born. Luckily, he was relatively healthy (just a short visit to the NICU) and Beth recovered.
Maybe with this first pregnancy G-d was trying to tell us something (like to adopt) but we didn't listen and were pregnant again with #2 in late 2007. The second pregnancy went better that the first but it was not without its problems. There were some complications along the way but nothing too serious. Beth was only nauseous for 5 months this time. When it came time to find out the sex we were hoping for a girl (especially Beth) but it seems G-d had other plans. A few months later Eli was born but not without excitement.
As difficult as pregnancy #1 was, labor & delivery was relatively easy. Eli however, had his own agenda. This delivery was not so easy, actually it was really difficult and we were very close to an emergency C section. Thankfully, it did not come to that and our Eli was born. He was healthy and Beth was exhausted.
At this moment that we understood that if we were going to have any more children it was not going to be biologically as G-d had made it pretty clear that Beth was not meant to get pregnant again. It was then that we decided our next family addition will be through adoption.
Story to be continued in a future post...
Now for the update.
As of 10/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/28/2006
Current wait: 43 months
Projected referral date: 11/13/2012
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Remember, these are simple projections based on extrapolating the current wait forward. Check out the Rumor Queen (link at top) for more thorough projections
Every since childhood Beth has wanted to adopt a child. She has always believed that it is something that G-d has wanted her to do. For Howard, adoption was never something he had given serious thought to until he met Beth. As our relationship developed and we moved closer to marriage the topic of children was discussed. We both agreed that we wanted more than one child but no more than three. We also agreed that it would be nice to have at least one boy and one girl although Beth really really wanted a girl. The next item to be discussed was how we were going to bring these children into our lives and this is where the topic of adoption came up.
After much discussion we decided to first have biological children and then look into adoption. In 2005 we had our first child, Benjamin. It was a difficult and high risk pregnancy. Beth was sick for 7 months to the point that she was put on anti-nausea medication. At 36+ weeks, Beth developed HELLP syndrome and since her life was at risk they did an emergency induction and Benjamin was born. Luckily, he was relatively healthy (just a short visit to the NICU) and Beth recovered.
Maybe with this first pregnancy G-d was trying to tell us something (like to adopt) but we didn't listen and were pregnant again with #2 in late 2007. The second pregnancy went better that the first but it was not without its problems. There were some complications along the way but nothing too serious. Beth was only nauseous for 5 months this time. When it came time to find out the sex we were hoping for a girl (especially Beth) but it seems G-d had other plans. A few months later Eli was born but not without excitement.
As difficult as pregnancy #1 was, labor & delivery was relatively easy. Eli however, had his own agenda. This delivery was not so easy, actually it was really difficult and we were very close to an emergency C section. Thankfully, it did not come to that and our Eli was born. He was healthy and Beth was exhausted.
At this moment that we understood that if we were going to have any more children it was not going to be biologically as G-d had made it pretty clear that Beth was not meant to get pregnant again. It was then that we decided our next family addition will be through adoption.
Story to be continued in a future post...
Now for the update.
As of 10/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/28/2006
Current wait: 43 months
Projected referral date: 11/13/2012
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Remember, these are simple projections based on extrapolating the current wait forward. Check out the Rumor Queen (link at top) for more thorough projections
Thursday, September 24, 2009
New Years 3 Times a Year
With Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year) being this week we've thought it be a good time to mention one of the ways we intend to incorporate Chinese culture into our family once Baby China Girl is here. We will be a family that celebrates New Years 3 times a year. That being the Rosh Hashana, New Year's Eve and Chinese New Year.
We feel that it is important embrace aspects of the Chinese culture into our family once Baby China Girl is here. At this point, we're not exactly sure of everything we're going to do (more posts on that in the future) but one thing we will do is to celebrate Chinese New Year as a family. How are we exactly going to do this we're not sure yet, possibilities involve attending Chinese New Year celebrations in the area and hosting a Chinese New Year party at our home. This would involve lots of family, friends, and ethnic food and dress. Hmm..doesn't sound much different than the Jewish New Year (minus the praying) now does it?
Now for the update.
As of 9/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/24/2006
Current wait: 42 months
Projected referral date: 10/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
We feel that it is important embrace aspects of the Chinese culture into our family once Baby China Girl is here. At this point, we're not exactly sure of everything we're going to do (more posts on that in the future) but one thing we will do is to celebrate Chinese New Year as a family. How are we exactly going to do this we're not sure yet, possibilities involve attending Chinese New Year celebrations in the area and hosting a Chinese New Year party at our home. This would involve lots of family, friends, and ethnic food and dress. Hmm..doesn't sound much different than the Jewish New Year (minus the praying) now does it?
Now for the update.
As of 9/13 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/24/2006
Current wait: 42 months
Projected referral date: 10/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
Saturday, August 8, 2009
TB Petition
We're not usually ones to get political but this is important. On July 1 the CDC started requiring TB testing for all "immigrant" children over the age of 2 from China and Ethiopia. If the child tests positive they cannot enter the U.S. until they test negative even if they are no longer contagious. This could take anywhere from several weeks to six months, significantly complicating a family's trip to adopt a child.
Here's our beef, this new rule only applies to children being adopted from China and Ethiopia. If a family were to have a biological child in say China, they would not be subject to this rule. Anyone else traveling to the U.S. is not subject to this rule. This is blatant discrimination on the part of the CDC against internationally adopted children.
The reason we bring this up now is because there is a family currently in China who's legally adopted daughter tested positive for TB. To make a long story short, they had to leave her behind because the CDC would not approve her visa to enter the U.S. To read more about this family check out their blog here. Although we understand this family's situation, we talked about it and if this happened to us one of us would stay behind with our daughter for as long as needed. We know this is not an option for everyone but luckily we both work jobs that would allow this (thank you Uncle Sam and HCPSS).
There is a online petition that we urge everyone to sign that urges the CDC to alter its policy on TB testing. Beth and I both signed it. You can get to it here.
Now for the update. Things are going even slower now but are expected to speed up soon per the Rumor Queen, lets hope.
As of 8/8 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/22/2006
Current wait: 41 months
Projected referral date: 9/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
Here's our beef, this new rule only applies to children being adopted from China and Ethiopia. If a family were to have a biological child in say China, they would not be subject to this rule. Anyone else traveling to the U.S. is not subject to this rule. This is blatant discrimination on the part of the CDC against internationally adopted children.
The reason we bring this up now is because there is a family currently in China who's legally adopted daughter tested positive for TB. To make a long story short, they had to leave her behind because the CDC would not approve her visa to enter the U.S. To read more about this family check out their blog here. Although we understand this family's situation, we talked about it and if this happened to us one of us would stay behind with our daughter for as long as needed. We know this is not an option for everyone but luckily we both work jobs that would allow this (thank you Uncle Sam and HCPSS).
There is a online petition that we urge everyone to sign that urges the CDC to alter its policy on TB testing. Beth and I both signed it. You can get to it here.
Now for the update. Things are going even slower now but are expected to speed up soon per the Rumor Queen, lets hope.
As of 8/8 here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/22/2006
Current wait: 41 months
Projected referral date: 9/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Baby China Girl Name
Recently, Benjamin asked if his baby sister from China has a name. The answer is not yet. We have talked about names but haven't agreed upon one yet. As per our history, the name will remain secret until we have the referral and have to put her name on the paperwork thus making it official and unchangeable. We did tell Benjamin that he(and Eli) will be the first to know the name when the time comes.
That begs the question of whether we're going to keep her Chinese name and so forth. We are planning to keep her Chinese name as her middle name and name her first name after a dead relative according to Jewish tradition. She will also be given a Hebrew first and middle name following the same tradition. However, she won't get her Hebrew name until she is officially converted to Judaism (we'll have a post on that another time).
Now for the wait update:
As of 7/13 (our 2 month wait mark) here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/20/2006
Current wait: 40 months
Projected referral date: 8/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
That begs the question of whether we're going to keep her Chinese name and so forth. We are planning to keep her Chinese name as her middle name and name her first name after a dead relative according to Jewish tradition. She will also be given a Hebrew first and middle name following the same tradition. However, she won't get her Hebrew name until she is officially converted to Judaism (we'll have a post on that another time).
Now for the wait update:
As of 7/13 (our 2 month wait mark) here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/20/2006
Current wait: 40 months
Projected referral date: 8/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Wait Begins
Now that our paper chase has ended we have a lot of time to kill while we wait. For here on out, we intend to use this blog to update everyone on "the wait" and to discuss various issues relating to our paper chasing experience and other adoption related issues such as attachment, Chinese culture, room renovations etc. We hope to post at least once a month to at least provide an update to "the wait" if nothing else.
So, for the first time as of today's post here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/14/2006
Current wait: 39 months
Projected referral date: 7/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
How did I come up with this? Simple. Using MS Excel, I calculated the difference between the current date and referred through date to calculate the current wait. Then I extrapolated out the current wait from our LID to get a projected referral date. Finally, calculated the difference between that date and the current date to get our remaining wait. Pretty fancy huh.
Of course this is all based on current data (courtesy of the Rumor Queen) and could very well change for the better or worse. Also, remember there is a several week lag from when you get your referral until you travel to China.
That's all for now folks! Maybe things will speed up by the next post. Most recent rumor is that they are matching the rest of March but we shall see!
So, for the first time as of today's post here's our wait statistics:
Referred through: 3/14/2006
Current wait: 39 months
Projected referral date: 7/13/2012
Projected months to referral: 37
How did I come up with this? Simple. Using MS Excel, I calculated the difference between the current date and referred through date to calculate the current wait. Then I extrapolated out the current wait from our LID to get a projected referral date. Finally, calculated the difference between that date and the current date to get our remaining wait. Pretty fancy huh.
Of course this is all based on current data (courtesy of the Rumor Queen) and could very well change for the better or worse. Also, remember there is a several week lag from when you get your referral until you travel to China.
That's all for now folks! Maybe things will speed up by the next post. Most recent rumor is that they are matching the rest of March but we shall see!
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