Now that we've been home with Eliana for over 2 weeks, we've had time to reflect on our journey through the entire adoption process. A few questions that have crossed our minds are: Was it worth it? Would we do it again? Would we do anything differently?
Let's start by answering the first question; was it worth it? Absolutely! All the trials and tribulations of paperchasing, waiting, and traveling to China were a small price to pay for that sweet little girl that is now our daughter. Knowing what we know now, we would definitely go through the process to adopt our little angel. But, will we do it again? The answer to that is a certain no. We feel now with our three wonderful children our family is complete and there will be no more children for us. The strain both financially and emotionally (on all of us) of a fourth child is not something we want to pursue.
The question of what we would do differently is a bit trickier. Of the aspects of the adoption process that we could control, there is nothing we would change. We would not change our decisions on our agency, country, sex or age of child, or special needs. The aspects of the adoption process that we would like to see changes of course, are the aspects we cannot control. This would mostly include aspects regarding specific parts of the whole process. We'll probably do more detailed posts on those issues another time but for example while we have no objections to the "donation" we had to make to the orphanage, we think there is room for improvement in how we had to make it. Another example would be that we didn't have our in-country travel itinerary until just a few days before we left and there were aspects of it we would have done differently if we could have.
So, what is the future of this blog? While, we recently started a "Krakower Family Blog" to document our family adventures (with pictures! email me for the password but we do restrict it to family and friends) we will keep this blog going to discuss specific adoption related issues as they come. While there will be no more status updates and posts might be less frequent we do feel there are many issues relating to adoption and our family that we would like to keep discussing.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Ready to Go!
We're all packed and ready to go. We decided to spoil the boys a bit today, we took them straight from school to get some ice cream "dinner" and then did pizza for "dessert". We then had an extended bed time and to top it off Benjamin choose "The Red Thread: An Adoption Story" as one of his book tonight. It was really hard putting them to sleep tonight knowing we won't see them again for over 2 weeks but we know we're leaving them in good hands and we'll be home before we know it. We're left them some guilt gifts and a paper chain so they can tear off a link every day we're gone and once all the links have been torn off, we'll be home!
Anyways, this will probably be the last post on this blog until we return. We do have every intention of keeping this blog going to discuss various adoption related activities. Until then follow our journey on our trip blog.
Praying for a safe journey!
Anyways, this will probably be the last post on this blog until we return. We do have every intention of keeping this blog going to discuss various adoption related activities. Until then follow our journey on our trip blog.
Praying for a safe journey!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Final "Family of 4 outing" and packing!
After a wonderful final "family of 4" outing to the Melting Pot it's back to packing. We posted some pics of the mess in our room on the trip blog, but we still have lots of work to do!
We do want to mention how wonderful dinner was tonight. We had made a reservation at the Melting Pot earlier in the week and told them that it was going to be our last outing as a family of 4 before we went to China to adopt our daughter. When we got there they had balloons, a teddy bear, and a card waiting for us (on the house!). It was very touching. We then had some yummy melted cheddar cheese and even yummier melted chocolate 'smores (melted milk chocolate with marshmallow and graham crackers). At the Melting Pot you have your choice of several fondue chocolate combos, I though the "Yin-Yan" would have been appropriate but since it mixes dark chocolate (which Beth doesn't like) with white chocolate (which Benjamin doesn't like) it would have been up to Eli and me to eat it all...hmmm maybe not such a bad idea after all! Anyways, many thanks to the awesome people at the Melting Pot (in Columbia, MD) and back to packing!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Final itinerary!
We finally got our in-country itinerary today! The frustrating news we found out this week was that they changed the visa process from 2 days to1 day. So, now after we already booked flights we learn that we could have returned on the 16th and been home in time for Benjamin's birthday (on March 17) but it's too late now! It would cost a fortune to switch our flights at this point so we'll just have to make it up to him.
We posted the itinerary on our travel blog, you can check it out there if you have the password. Email us if you don't and want it.
We posted the itinerary on our travel blog, you can check it out there if you have the password. Email us if you don't and want it.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Letter to family & friends
Dear family and friends,
After nearly two years of waiting, praying, and hoping -- we will soon be traveling to China to bring Eliana home! We are overjoyed but also realize this will be an adjustment for our family. We know that all of you have supported us in some way and are grateful for that. Because we know you care for Eliana and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Eliana will be like the children who entered our family through birth but there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually the mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. This emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Eliana will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Eliana comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has only known an orphanage setting. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Eliana's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Eliana starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Eliana will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family.
Unlike following the boys birth, we will not be hosting any large gatherings or houseguests for a while. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially. It is critically important that we have this time alone as a family to facilitate the attachment and bonding process. Please know that these decisions are thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Eliana settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Eliana. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Eliana should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting Eliana's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Eliana hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Eliana feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family and circle of friends for our precious Eliana. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past years.
Love,
Beth, Howie, Benjamin, Eli, and Eliana.
p.s. Helpful link on attachment:
http://chinaadopttalk.com/2009/04/21/talking-to-your-family-about-attachment/
After nearly two years of waiting, praying, and hoping -- we will soon be traveling to China to bring Eliana home! We are overjoyed but also realize this will be an adjustment for our family. We know that all of you have supported us in some way and are grateful for that. Because we know you care for Eliana and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Eliana will be like the children who entered our family through birth but there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually the mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. This emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Eliana will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Eliana comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has only known an orphanage setting. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Eliana's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Eliana starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Eliana will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family.
Unlike following the boys birth, we will not be hosting any large gatherings or houseguests for a while. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially. It is critically important that we have this time alone as a family to facilitate the attachment and bonding process. Please know that these decisions are thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Eliana settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Eliana. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Eliana should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting Eliana's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Eliana hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Eliana feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family and circle of friends for our precious Eliana. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past years.
Love,
Beth, Howie, Benjamin, Eli, and Eliana.
p.s. Helpful link on attachment:
http://chinaadopttalk.com/2009/04/21/talking-to-your-family-about-attachment/
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Xin Nian Kuaile!!! (Sheen knee-en Kwai lah) Happy New Year!
Today is Chinese New Year! As we celebrate New Years for the third time, it will be our last celebration as a family of four! A month from today we'll be in Beijing and only days from meeting Eliana, how exciting! So, this year we're doing a very quiet Chinese New Year celebration with just the four of us. Beth is planning on cooking up some yummy Chinese food tomorrow night and we're just going spend some time together as a family. Next year however , we're thinking of a much larger celebration with friends and family but that's for next year. Here are some interesting facts (based on various internet sources) concerning us and Chinese New Year:
- 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit which is also Beth's year and who's motto is "Let there be peace"
- Howard is the Year of the Dragon whose motto is "I reign".
- Benjamin is the Year of the Rooster whose motto is "I know".
- Eli & Eliana are the Year of the Rat whose motto is "I rule".
Saturday, January 29, 2011
We got an Update!
In what has been an otherwise crummy week we did get an update on Eliana this week from the orphanage! According to what they told us she is now about 33 inches tall and weighs 25lbs or about the same size as Eli. Technically, she's his height (short) and weighs about 2lbs less (think Benjamin). They also provided us with her current daily schedule which includes 4 rounds of formula (that will end quickly) including one before she wakes up (not sure how they pull that one off) and to our delight, she is attending now preschool. We certainly will continue her at preschool but we imagine Bet Yeladim will be quite different than the preschool she's in now (less Chinese more Hebrew).
Otherwise, we're busy getting prepared for our trip. Got our plane tickets this week and waiting on our in-country itinerary which may not come until the week before we leave. Wish us luck as we continue this journey!
Otherwise, we're busy getting prepared for our trip. Got our plane tickets this week and waiting on our in-country itinerary which may not come until the week before we leave. Wish us luck as we continue this journey!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Travel Dates!
Last night we got our more official travel dates. We're leaving March 2 and returning March 17 which of course is Benjamin's 6th birthday. It'll kind of suck not being home for his birthday (as we aren't getting back in until very late) but we told him he can stay home from school on the 18th and we'll celebrate his birthday then as a family of 5! He was ok with it as long as Eliana brings him back a birthday present, don't think that'll be much of a problem.
Gotcha day is March 7! Or so we think based on the info we have so far from our agency. They said we won't have final in-country dates until a week before we leave. However, our conuslate appointment is on March 14 and arriving/departing dates are confirmed! For those that have our password check out our tentative itinerary on our travel blog.
Gotcha day is March 7! Or so we think based on the info we have so far from our agency. They said we won't have final in-country dates until a week before we leave. However, our conuslate appointment is on March 14 and arriving/departing dates are confirmed! For those that have our password check out our tentative itinerary on our travel blog.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
We're going in March
After a very long and anxious day of waiting, late this afternoon we finally got word that our agency could not get us a consulate appointment until March 14. While we are a bit disapointed that we won't be traveling until March at least we know when we are going and can now plan accordingly. They are still confirming some dates but it looks like we will be leaving on March 3 and returning on March 16. We really really hope we'll be back on the 16th because the 17th is Benjamin's birthday and it would be really hard not to be there with him that day. But it is what it is and we are excited just the same that Eliana will be home with us soon, just wish it was sooner!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Got our travel approval today!
Besides school being closed and Howard's work opening 2 hours late today we got the phone call we've been waiting for. Our travel approval (TA) has finally gone through! Our social worker said we should know our travel dates by Thursday. Our travel dates will be based off our consulate appointment date (when Eliana gets her U.S. visa) which our agency is scheduling now. We're hoping for an appointment date of Feb. 22 which means we would leave around Feb. 9 but it could be later. Hopefully not too much later. We'll keep the posts coming!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Trip Blog
We just started a new blog to document our journey to China to bring Eliana home. Our intention is to post pictures and videos on this blog but due to our privacy concerns those posts will be password protected. The blog can be found at the following location: Our Journey to China. If you would like the password contact us but please understand that we can only share this information with family and friends.
We do intend to keep this blog going providing updates on the process and general thoughts on adoption, just no media.
Speaking of updates...
We still don't know exactly when we're going to go but it's looking like it will be mid-February. Hopefully, we'll know more next week.
We do intend to keep this blog going providing updates on the process and general thoughts on adoption, just no media.
Speaking of updates...
We still don't know exactly when we're going to go but it's looking like it will be mid-February. Hopefully, we'll know more next week.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Article 5
We learned yesterday that our Article 5 was issued. What this basically means is that the U.S. Counsulate in Guangzhou notified the CCAA that we now are able to bring Eliana into the U.S. This clears the way for CCAA to issue our TA which is our official invitation to travel to China and bring her home. We should be getting this TA in a few weeks and once in hand we'll be able to make our travel plans!
When we travel to China will depend on when we can get our embassy appointment in Guangzhou to get her U.S. passport and visa. As this date can vary quite a bit we can have anywhere from 5 days to 5 weeks notice before we travel. So, we're now busy making travel preperations and finishing her room (a little more painting before her furniture is delivered on 12/29) her room!
We're very excited!
When we travel to China will depend on when we can get our embassy appointment in Guangzhou to get her U.S. passport and visa. As this date can vary quite a bit we can have anywhere from 5 days to 5 weeks notice before we travel. So, we're now busy making travel preperations and finishing her room (a little more painting before her furniture is delivered on 12/29) her room!
We're very excited!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
I-800 Approved!
Today, as I was working in Eliana's room and saw the mailman deliver our mail I had a good feeling. So, I went outside and got the mail and sure enough there was mail from the DHS. It was our I-800/I-800A approvals, a major step towards bringing Eliana home!
These approvals essentailly give us permission to bring Eliana into the U.S. and are the first steps towards obtaining her citizenship. Next we have to submit these approvals and some other paperwork to China to get our official travel invitation. Once we get that we can finally make our travel plans to bring her home. Now we just have to wait for one more document (a formality now that we have the I-800 approvals) before we can send this next paperwork submission!
We're getting closer! Good thing we bought the paint for her room today, she'll be home soon!
These approvals essentailly give us permission to bring Eliana into the U.S. and are the first steps towards obtaining her citizenship. Next we have to submit these approvals and some other paperwork to China to get our official travel invitation. Once we get that we can finally make our travel plans to bring her home. Now we just have to wait for one more document (a formality now that we have the I-800 approvals) before we can send this next paperwork submission!
We're getting closer! Good thing we bought the paint for her room today, she'll be home soon!
Monday, October 4, 2010
How it all went down
Today we received news of our "official" match with our daughter! Read on to find out how it all went down!
Beth had a feeling for the past few months that September was going to be our month. Given her track record on being right with her feelings, Howard was pretty optimistic as well. But she was getting nervous so about a week ago she contacted our social worker to "see where things stood". Our social worker, "D", inquired with our agency China Team as to where we were. They had a few follow-up questions for us on the scope of the special needs we were open to and gave us a general idea of where we stood. Based on what they told us, it was starting to look less likely that we would be matched in September but still likely to happen within next few months. Regardless, we still held out some hope for September.
The morning of September 20 arrived and since Beth religously checks all the discussion boards concerning China adoption we knew that a new special needs list was coming out on this day. It was also our understanding that if matched families are usually called between 8 and 10am. So, we were cautiously optimistic and maybe a bit anxious that morning. So, we begin our days as normal going to work. 9am - no phone call, 10am-no phone call, 11am - no phone call. By this point we figured it just wasn't going to be our month and the dejection sets in. At noon no longer expecting a phone call, Howard leaves the office to run a few errands. At approximately 12:04pm EDT, Beth's cell phone rings. She looks at the number displayed on the caller ID. It's our social worker's number.
The call went something like this:
Beth : "Helllllo?"
SW: "Hi Beth! It's D"
Beth: "Hi!."
SW: "Are you sitting down"
Beth:"Yes, and I am crying already!"
SW: "J just called and you have been matched with a beautiful daughter from China"
We have a daughter. She's about 26 months old and is from Shanghai, China. Aside from a minor heart condition that's already healed and being a little small, she's very healthy.
After composing herself, Beth tries to call Howard. She tries his cell, no answer. She tries his work number, no answer. She sends a frantic text message saying Debby called, call her ASAP! Howard finally looks at his phone as he's leaving the BB&T Bank on I and 16th streets in DC. As he's walking down I street towards 15th he calls her back and receives the good news.
The craziness has begun.
Beth had a feeling for the past few months that September was going to be our month. Given her track record on being right with her feelings, Howard was pretty optimistic as well. But she was getting nervous so about a week ago she contacted our social worker to "see where things stood". Our social worker, "D", inquired with our agency China Team as to where we were. They had a few follow-up questions for us on the scope of the special needs we were open to and gave us a general idea of where we stood. Based on what they told us, it was starting to look less likely that we would be matched in September but still likely to happen within next few months. Regardless, we still held out some hope for September.
The morning of September 20 arrived and since Beth religously checks all the discussion boards concerning China adoption we knew that a new special needs list was coming out on this day. It was also our understanding that if matched families are usually called between 8 and 10am. So, we were cautiously optimistic and maybe a bit anxious that morning. So, we begin our days as normal going to work. 9am - no phone call, 10am-no phone call, 11am - no phone call. By this point we figured it just wasn't going to be our month and the dejection sets in. At noon no longer expecting a phone call, Howard leaves the office to run a few errands. At approximately 12:04pm EDT, Beth's cell phone rings. She looks at the number displayed on the caller ID. It's our social worker's number.
The call went something like this:
Beth : "Helllllo?"
SW: "Hi Beth! It's D"
Beth: "Hi!."
SW: "Are you sitting down"
Beth:"Yes, and I am crying already!"
SW: "J just called and you have been matched with a beautiful daughter from China"
We have a daughter. She's about 26 months old and is from Shanghai, China. Aside from a minor heart condition that's already healed and being a little small, she's very healthy.
After composing herself, Beth tries to call Howard. She tries his cell, no answer. She tries his work number, no answer. She sends a frantic text message saying Debby called, call her ASAP! Howard finally looks at his phone as he's leaving the BB&T Bank on I and 16th streets in DC. As he's walking down I street towards 15th he calls her back and receives the good news.
The craziness has begun.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Our Wait is Over!
We can't go into much detail but today we got a call from our adoption agency informing us that we got matched today with a beautiful little girl! More details coming in the near future as things become more official but guess what we're doing next?
We're going to Disney World!
Seriously!
Stay tuned!
We're going to Disney World!
Seriously!
Stay tuned!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sonogram Picture?
We got our first songram picture:
OK, so obviously we're joking about the picture. Another month has gone by and no special needs referral so we need to pass the time. However, from what we can gather we're not that far away from a special needs referral so there is a good chance that our daughter has been born and is out there somewhere. It's just a matter of where and when we'll be connected.
Now for the update.
As of 5/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 5/15/2006
Current wait: 51 months
Projected referral date: 7/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
 |
| She's gotta be in there somewhere, right? |
OK, so obviously we're joking about the picture. Another month has gone by and no special needs referral so we need to pass the time. However, from what we can gather we're not that far away from a special needs referral so there is a good chance that our daughter has been born and is out there somewhere. It's just a matter of where and when we'll be connected.
Now for the update.
As of 5/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 5/15/2006
Current wait: 51 months
Projected referral date: 7/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Happy Anniversary to Us!
As we celebrate one decade of marriage today we got some good news from China! Rumor has it that the review room status has been changed to July 31, 2009. Of course with our LID being 5/13/09 that means our dossier is through review!! That means our dossier has essentially been approved by the CCAA without any questions.
This approval brings us one step closer to Baby China Girl and means faster time to travel once we receive a special needs referral.
Obviously since we posted a status update yesterday (2 posts in a row, crazy!) there is nothing new on that end.
This approval brings us one step closer to Baby China Girl and means faster time to travel once we receive a special needs referral.
Obviously since we posted a status update yesterday (2 posts in a row, crazy!) there is nothing new on that end.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
How it'll work
As we move closer to receiving a (special needs) referral we'd thought it would be helpful to let everyone know how the process will generally work and when and how we'll tell everyone.
When we finally do receive a referral we will get a call from our agency followed by an email with a picture and some basic information about the child. At that point we'll have less than 48 hours to make a preliminary decision. After looking over the information we will immediately send the information to our pediatrician for review. We will then discuss everything we know about the child's medical history and what it all means with the pediatrician, our social worker and between ourselves. At that point and only at that point, if we decide to accept (on a preliminary basis) the referral we will begin to inform family and friends of the referral. We will not be sharing any details (or pictures) of the referral on this blog due to privacy concerns. We will only announce that we have accepted a referral. Our intention is to share the details (and pictures!) with family and friends via email and possibly via Facebook (to a lesser extent). So, if you want the details make sure we know that and that we have your email address. We'll probably create a special email distribution list.
After we accept the referral there is more that needs to happen. We won't bore you with all the details but essentially we next have to make a formal request to the CCAA to be matched with the child and then they have to accept that request (part of the reason we cannot post any details online). We also have to make travel arrangements, apply for travel visas and her U.S. Citizenship, complete various other paperwork not to mention getting her room ready as well as a preliminary wardrobe (Beth can't wait for this part). It could take up to 6 months from when we receive the referral to when we travel to China but at least we'll know who she is!
Now for the update.
As of 6/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/26/2006
Current wait: 50 months
Projected referral date: 6/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
When we finally do receive a referral we will get a call from our agency followed by an email with a picture and some basic information about the child. At that point we'll have less than 48 hours to make a preliminary decision. After looking over the information we will immediately send the information to our pediatrician for review. We will then discuss everything we know about the child's medical history and what it all means with the pediatrician, our social worker and between ourselves. At that point and only at that point, if we decide to accept (on a preliminary basis) the referral we will begin to inform family and friends of the referral. We will not be sharing any details (or pictures) of the referral on this blog due to privacy concerns. We will only announce that we have accepted a referral. Our intention is to share the details (and pictures!) with family and friends via email and possibly via Facebook (to a lesser extent). So, if you want the details make sure we know that and that we have your email address. We'll probably create a special email distribution list.
After we accept the referral there is more that needs to happen. We won't bore you with all the details but essentially we next have to make a formal request to the CCAA to be matched with the child and then they have to accept that request (part of the reason we cannot post any details online). We also have to make travel arrangements, apply for travel visas and her U.S. Citizenship, complete various other paperwork not to mention getting her room ready as well as a preliminary wardrobe (Beth can't wait for this part). It could take up to 6 months from when we receive the referral to when we travel to China but at least we'll know who she is!
Now for the update.
As of 6/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/26/2006
Current wait: 50 months
Projected referral date: 6/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 37
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Chinese for dinner and some encouraging news!
In "celebration" of the one year anniversay of our login date we will be having Chinese for dinner tonight. This will become a yearly tradition, but hopefully next year will include one more member of our family. Speaking of which, we are currently in the process of updating our I-800a which is the approval form by INS to bring a foreign adopted child into the country. This approval only lasts 18 months so it has to be renewed every 18 months. Part of this process is to update our homestudy which is done by our social worker. So, in meeting with her just recently she said she would be very surprised if we had to do this again. Translation: we should get a special needs referral within the next 18 months! It might even happen sooner (maybe within the next 12 months) as our agency has matched many families with special needs children over the past few months. This is encouraging as the non special needs wait gets longer and longer. We'll just have to wait and see.
Now for the update.
As of 5/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/21/2006
Current wait: 49 months
Projected referral date: 5/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 36
Now for the update.
As of 5/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/21/2006
Current wait: 49 months
Projected referral date: 5/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 36
Monday, April 26, 2010
Our Adoption Journey Post #3: Why China?
We've already discussed why we chose international adoption, but why did we choose China? There are a few reasons why we picked China over other countries such as Russia and Ethiopia. These reasons include: the established adoption process in China, a higher level of prenatal health in China, and China's rich history and culture.
The adoption process is China is fairly standardized and relatively transparent. By this we mean that you know how the process is generally going to work and what to expect from beginning to end. An important aspect of this is that when you get a referral you can be certain that the information provided to you by the orphanage on the child although limited is fairly accurate. They're not going to mislead you. This is not true in all countries. The recent incident involving a Tennessee mother and adopted Russian boy highlights this issue.
To briefly summarize this incident; this mother adopted a 7 year boy from Russia who turned out to have severe psychological issues that the orphanage did not fully disclose. This mother deciding that she couldn't parent this child response was to send the child back to Russia on a plane by himself. First, let us say the mother was absolutely wrong in doing this and should be criminally charged. It is understandable that she could not parent this child, but to do what she did was cruel, selfish, and irresponsible. There were other options she could have chosen that she didn't even bother to explore. That being said, this illustrates some of the risks with adopting from Russia. It is true that Russian orphanages are not always honest in the information they disclose about the children in their care. There is also a fair amount of "donations" that one must pay to adopt a child from Russia. Often a family does not know the amount or number of these "donations" until they get to Russia. In contrast, for China you know ahead of time that you will have to make one donation to the orphanage and how much it is expected to be for.
Another reason we chose China is because of the high level of prenatal care in China. Since most birth mothers do not plan to give up their children until after they have them (that's a whole different topic) they take good care of themselves. There are few problems with drug and alcohol abuse. In contrast, in countries such as Russia there is a high level of prenatal alcohol syndrome among other health problems.
Another aspect of China that's always intrigued us is its rich history and culture. From Chinese New Year to the ancient Chinese dynasties to the Moon Festival, China is a very fascinating country. It has a long storied history and many unique cultural events and related effects. We look forward to sharing all this with our future daughter.
We realize in this post we do highlight alot of problems Russian adoption. We do this not to scare people or criticize families who have adopted from Russia (except the one mentioned earlier) but to highlight why we did not choose Russia for ourselves. We often get asked why we did not pick Russia and often they are really asking why didn't you adopt from a country where the child is going to look like you. For us it does not matter that our future daughter will not share our physical characteristics. Actually, it might even be a good thing. Every family has to make the choices that are best for them and China is best for us.
Now for the update.
As of 4/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/17/2006
Current wait: 48 months
Projected referral date: 4/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 36
The adoption process is China is fairly standardized and relatively transparent. By this we mean that you know how the process is generally going to work and what to expect from beginning to end. An important aspect of this is that when you get a referral you can be certain that the information provided to you by the orphanage on the child although limited is fairly accurate. They're not going to mislead you. This is not true in all countries. The recent incident involving a Tennessee mother and adopted Russian boy highlights this issue.
To briefly summarize this incident; this mother adopted a 7 year boy from Russia who turned out to have severe psychological issues that the orphanage did not fully disclose. This mother deciding that she couldn't parent this child response was to send the child back to Russia on a plane by himself. First, let us say the mother was absolutely wrong in doing this and should be criminally charged. It is understandable that she could not parent this child, but to do what she did was cruel, selfish, and irresponsible. There were other options she could have chosen that she didn't even bother to explore. That being said, this illustrates some of the risks with adopting from Russia. It is true that Russian orphanages are not always honest in the information they disclose about the children in their care. There is also a fair amount of "donations" that one must pay to adopt a child from Russia. Often a family does not know the amount or number of these "donations" until they get to Russia. In contrast, for China you know ahead of time that you will have to make one donation to the orphanage and how much it is expected to be for.
Another reason we chose China is because of the high level of prenatal care in China. Since most birth mothers do not plan to give up their children until after they have them (that's a whole different topic) they take good care of themselves. There are few problems with drug and alcohol abuse. In contrast, in countries such as Russia there is a high level of prenatal alcohol syndrome among other health problems.
Another aspect of China that's always intrigued us is its rich history and culture. From Chinese New Year to the ancient Chinese dynasties to the Moon Festival, China is a very fascinating country. It has a long storied history and many unique cultural events and related effects. We look forward to sharing all this with our future daughter.
We realize in this post we do highlight alot of problems Russian adoption. We do this not to scare people or criticize families who have adopted from Russia (except the one mentioned earlier) but to highlight why we did not choose Russia for ourselves. We often get asked why we did not pick Russia and often they are really asking why didn't you adopt from a country where the child is going to look like you. For us it does not matter that our future daughter will not share our physical characteristics. Actually, it might even be a good thing. Every family has to make the choices that are best for them and China is best for us.
Now for the update.
As of 4/13/2010 here's our "non special needs" wait statistics:
Referred through: 4/17/2006
Current wait: 48 months
Projected referral date: 4/13/2013
Projected months remaining to referral: 36
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